Who Wins in this Version of America? A Reflection on Civil Disagreement
Photo Credit: Canberra Times
Disclaimer: This post a reflection based on true events that happened on Wednesday, August 5, 2020. My heart in writing this post is not to just name names or be an asshole. I was extremely irked and taken aback by this experience, and instead of letting it eat me up alive like I have in the past, I am choosing to repurpose it and turn it into a teaching lesson.
A few days ago I reposted the following article…
For me, I came away from Luvvie's article with four main points:
The Christian faith is not an excuse to demonize people or other faiths.
Black people are not a monolithic group. Yes, many of us are Christians, but many of us practice other faiths, and it's okay to acknowledge that.
We should ALL be open to learning about other cultures and experiences, even if we disagree.
Christians have a responsibility to "face their own demons," including slavery, white supremacy, state-sanctioned murder, and genocide before being so quick to call people out for their ways of being.
Now… I will say that I expected some pushback and some disagreement, but within minutes of sharing this post, someone thought the appropriate reaction was to send me the following:
Everything you post makes my blood boil, because you’re part of the problem in spreading lies, misinformation and disturbingly victimized mindset. I refrain from saying anything to 99% of your posts, but you took it a step [too] far with sharing this. You don’t seem to believe God is who he says he is and who he says you are, you fall for the justice of man rather than trust the Justice of our great God. Everything going on has been so predictable the black community still can't see how easy they made it for the invisible enemy, the left to exploit you and manipulate you for their own agendas, starting with the sick BLM organization, this isn’t even funny. It is beyond frustrating to see so many of you failing to count the costs and seeing this cancel culture. You said you didn’t think socialism was all bad, do you even know that socialism is the core of communism. Are you familiar with The New World Order. Wake up, we are in the end times. How can you a Christian not discern whats going on as to not be fooled. (rhetorical question) Did you read this entire article. Indoctrination. This makes me sick. You stay in your comfortable shell and don’t bother with things that go against your [beliefs], an attitude so self righteous as to know all and avoid hearing anything that contradicts or challenges your beliefs. Right now you may not see or understand what is going on, I wonder if you’re even familiar with the truth behind the destabilization of Libya and Syria. With all that said, let’s get one thing straight, me heavily disagreeing with your core beliefs has nothing to do with my Love for you or any other individuals. This isn't a war against people, its spiritual warfare at its finest. “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Ephesians 6:12 ESV
My initial thoughts (and response)…
I received this horrible message Wednesday morning in the middle of a podcast planning meeting. To be honest, I WAS LIVID, but I had to play it off because I did not want to risk being labeled as an “angry black woman” by the person who offended me. Instead, I simply responded by saying: “Smart move taking this off of the comments [section] lol.” Then, I started mentally preparing myself to respond at a later time, but within seconds I thought better of this. Instead I added to my response by stating that I was not going to argue with her and she persisted in trying to elicit more responses by adding the following:
The post was heavily opinionated, not based on real biblical principle, her being African and Christian does not make her thoughts Gold or Factual/God's truth. The article was straight up indoctrination. But we can agree to disagree. As aforementioned, changing someones mind is not the goal, and is quite ineffective.
My final response was, “Okay.”
Now… Several days later, I still find myself in a place where my spirit is grieved by this encounter. I am also wrestling with what it means to be a “follower of Christ” when so many people within the church react to disagreements like Chiquitita while the rest of us are expected to passively engage with their harmful and toxic anti-christian, America first rhetoric. What a load of bullshit. Today, I hope to explore some of these thoughts a little bit. First, here’s some of the backstory…
The Backstory…
I met this person when my cousin got married about two years ago. Initially, she seemed nice, and she liked one of my other cousins, so my (Lesperance) family made some effort to get to know her. In an instant, all I could see were red flags. Me: Exit stage left. However, in true Lesperance form, my mom and sister made the choice to befriend her….
Fast forward to several months later
After making the decision to write again, I created this site, started blogging, and increased my social media posts with the goal of challenging the status quo and spreading awareness. Naturally, Chiquitita started following me and it led to a series of conversations that I did not always agree with but was willing to have because it often led to FURTHER LEARNING. I digress...
Enters May 2020.
One day, out of the blue, Chiquitita messages me and asks if we could FaceTime. Her goal was to “hear about what I do and ask some questions about my world view.” It seemed harmless enough, so I agreed. We met, and I answered several questions that included my thoughts on what I hoped for this country. I invited her also to share her heart, and the conversation seemed to end amicably. #success
Enters July 17, 2020.
On this day, Chiquitita sends me an Insta story in which the individual boldly claimed that the reason schools should open is to help prevent children from being preyed on by pedophiles….
Several thoughts on this… but basically, I shared that reopening schools was not the only way to address the issue of pedophilia. This led to a more in-depth conversation about COVID, where she not only ignored my own experience with it, but she also expressed the need to maintain the economy because “people will always be sick and die left and right.” Needless to say… I respectfully tried to end the conversation. I was also on day six of quarantine, and I was still feeling sick, so I wanted to let things go. I responded by saying, “Okay, we don’t need to talk about this anymore.”
Her response: “Cognitive Dissonance is all I hear when people cant talk about things that challenge their own beliefs. Their paradigm in which they see everything. I hope you recover soon, do not fear for the Lord is with you and he calls us to trust in him. Enjoy the rest of your day.”
To answer your question: Yes, I blocked her. The only problem was that my block only applied to Instagram, and Chiquitita still had access to me on Facebook…
Now, let’s get back to what happened on Wednesday…
A Brief Reflection…
As mentioned above, I both expect and welcome disagreement, but there is a point where some people fail to realize that intent does not negate harm or impact. To be clear, you can hold and share differing views, but some of you need to recognize that, regardless of your intentions, what you say can have negative, long-lasting effects on a person’s psyche, mental health, and yes, their view of Christianity and the person of Christ.
To further explain, let us return to Chiquitita’s words as an example. Here were a few of my favorite lines….
“Everything you post makes my blood boil, because you’re part of the problem in spreading lies, misinformation and disturbingly victimized mindset. I refrain from saying anything to 99% of your posts, but you took it a step [too] far with sharing this. You don’t seem to believe God is who he says he is and who he says you are, you fall for the justice of man rather than trust the Justice of our great God.”
“Everything going on has been so predictable the black community still can't see how easy they made it for the invisible enemy, the left to exploit you and manipulate you for their own agendas, starting with the sick BLM organization, this isn’t even funny. It is beyond frustrating to see so many of you failing to count the costs and seeing this cancel culture.”
“You stay in your comfortable shell and don’t bother with things that go against your [beliefs], an attitude so self-righteous as to know all and avoid hearing anything that contradicts or challenges your beliefs.”
“With all that said, let’s get one thing straight, me heavily disagreeing with your core beliefs has nothing to do with my Love for you or any other individuals. This isn't a war against people, its spiritual warfare at its finest. ‘For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.’ Ephesians 6:12 ESV”
First of all, I don’t know who needs to hear this, but… THIS FORM OF MESSAGING IS NOT A USEFUL WAY TO INVITE PEOPLE INTO DIALOGUE WITH YOU ABOUT DIFFERING VIEWS!
I know Chiquitita truly believes that she was messaging me “out of concern” and the need to challenge my “false views.” But what she (and many of you who think like her) fail to realize is that these types of conversations are over the moment you open with name-calling and false assumptions about other people’s character. Especially in this case, when name-calling was done without any just cause or prior conversation about why I chose to post Luvvie’s article and then followed up with anti-black sentiments and perverted use of scripture.
Additionally, I don’t know who needs to hear this, but… YOU SHOULD NOT USE SCRIPTURE TO COVER UP SHITTY BEHAVIOR LIKE WE USE POTPOURRI OR AIR FRESHENER TO COVER UP THE STENCH OF SMELLY STOOL!
It’s not cute, and despite how right you may think you are, this approach is toxic and does not reflect the original intent of scripture or the heart of God. As a Christian, I understand that we often feel “called” to lead people to a different way of being, but trust me when I say, THIS AIN’T IT! Instead, your approach to public discourse must include mutual respect, love, compassion, kindness, and self-control or nothing at all. With that said, if a person you are following on social media is leading or tempting you to do the opposite, LOG OFF. Choose to do better and take an active role in addressing the problem by unfollowing the person until you are in a better place to engage with their views (Or just remove yourself from the equation altogether).
This statement applies to people on both sides of the aisle, liberal and conservative.
Final Thoughts…
I want to begin this section by sharing a tool that I believe we all need to consider as we try to navigate the topic of disagreement more compassionately: scripture. Here are some of my favorites:
James 1: 19-20 NIV - “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”
James 1:26 NLT - “If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless. Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.”
Basically, the point is this: no matter how passionate or right you feel about your worldview, James reminds us that every person should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. He later adds that, when we refuse to do these things, we not only hinder God’s righteousness or a person’s ability to see you as “good” but we also lessen the value of our shared Christian faith.
So, how does this apply to the situation between Chiquitita and I?
First, for those of you who tend to behave like Chiquitita, I invite you to reflect on how you react to disagreement and challenge you to move differently, especially if your gut reaction is to lead with name-calling and anger. I know that, for a lot of you, my request may sound like limiting free speech or asking you to renounce your convictions, but trust me when I say, my request is simply a call to learn and listen. Despite what you are being told in your selected echo chambers, there is a world out there with people who are broken and hurting simply because you value your right to speak over taking the time to understand what the US government has done to oppress and devalue them. You owe it to yourself (and humanity) to shut up for a second and expose yourselves to resources beyond FoxNews, Facebook, and other biased media sites. Plus, to be honest, name-calling says less about your faith and more about your ability to analyze data and think critically.
Second, for those you who are like me and find yourselves dealing with people like Chiquitita, I ask you to reflect on this quote by Efrat Cybulkiewicz:
“The most admirable quality among people is when we pause, and think of something to say, without ripping others to shreds (even if they deserved it).”
I know that a lot of people who spout MAGA rhetoric, refuse to listen to other views, and make a habit of attacking you verbally, are exhausting and deserve several tongue lashings. But instead of giving them what they might deserve, I encourage you to pause, reflect, and take any steps needed to protect your peace, including blocking, unfollowing, or unfriending them. I understand that those same people will then probably accuse you of being close-minded or a "hater of truth." But, in my opinion, a big part of social justice work is knowing how to love and respect yourself enough to end these types of toxic interactions or, as some may say, "throw in the towel." At the end of the day, we cannot allow our fear of not being “unified” or “open to other views” keep us in relationships with people who only aim to belittle and assault others verbally. My only regret is that it took me wayyyyy too long to see this….
Finally, I invite you to consider the current political climate and reflect on a question that I’ve been wrestling with since Chiquitita and I had this exchange: “who wins in this version of America?” The reality is that many of you may have different answers to this question, but believe me when I say: NONE OF US. Not even the rich white one-percenters who tend to benefit from social inequality; COVID is becoming a perfect example.
When it’s all said and done, whether you consider yourself to be liberal, conservative, or somewhere in the middle like me, one thing is certain: we all benefit when we learn how to better navigate conflict and disagreement.